“Change is never painful. Only the resistance to change is painful.”
Are you finding yourself in a never-ending cycle of getting what you don’t want? Are the same unpleasant realities repeating themselves no matter how hard you try to avoid them?
If so, it could be that what you resist persists and what you accept transforms in something better.
What is resistance?
It’s when you can’t accept reality as it is. You deny its existence without even realizing it – this defense mechanism activates automatically and unconsciously. You do this to protect yourself from any negative emotions associated with unpleasant events or situations.
But denying something doesn’t mean that it isn’t there anymore – often, the very thing you’re running away from will have an even stronger effect on you! As Carl Jung said: What you resist will not only last but will also grow.
Why do you attract what you want to escape from?
Because the unacknowledged feelings become energy centers within your unconscious mind which build up strength over time – making them forces beyond your control. It’s like shaking a bottle of sparkling water and trying to keep the lid closed.
If you don’t let out these emotions, they act like CO2 bubbles in the bottle and need to get out! Then you unconsciously attract those events or situations which trigger the suppressed feelings so they can come to light.
Can uncomfortable feelings stay hidden forever?
Theoretically, yes – but long-term this won’t do anything good for your physical and mental health.
Plus, if your life goal is development and learning, then facing challenges head-on (rather than taking the easy way out) is key here! Allowing yourself to feel negative emotions helps transform them into useful insights which can help make positive changes in your life.
What should you do with those things that you run away from?
It might seem counterintuitive at first – but accepting an unpleasant reality instead of resisting it could be one of the smartest solutions when dealing with difficult situations.
This gives you space for growth by understanding why certain patterns repeat themselves and exploring underlying issues rather than just pretending everything’s okay all along!
What does resistance look like in practice?
Take, for example, someone who has trouble making good partner choices in their love life – they may find themselves constantly with people who possess certain traits which they would consciously run away from.
The result is usually unsustainable relationships that eventually fall apart – leading them to feel like a victim with an internal monologue along the lines of: I have bad luck since I always run into these types of partners.
If you’ve found yourself in this example, the good news for you is that it isn’t true that you have bad luck. But, the bad news is that if this pattern keeps repeating, that means you didn’t come across such partners by chance – you unconsciously attracted them.
Why do you choose the wrong partners?
Because your past experiences or your own negative personality traits come to light through attracting partners who possess those qualities you so desperately try to avoid consciously.
For example, I had one client who kept falling for girls already taken by another man or still hung up on their exes, leading him to feel victimized and confused as to why he was ‘unlucky’ since this type of thing happened over and over again.
After exploring in psychotherapy his inner world further, he realized his emotional unavailability was actually causing him to unconsciously seek out women who were emotionally unavailable as well. It turns out all these women were serving as mirrors reflecting at him his own issues!
Keep in mind that ones where both parties are emotionally available to each other, the true connection can occur.
How can you unravel this mechanism & break free from negative patterns?
The key lies in becoming aware that what you resist persists and being willing to accept even unpleasant realities.
Remember that if something keeps happening, then it’s no coincidence but instead serves some kind of purpose within your life which needs discovering! To unravel this mechanism means expressing emotions once suppressed.
So next time something makes you uncomfortable – stop resisting because what you resist persists, and what you accept transforms into something better!
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